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Shari Fish - Issue 9, February 2012
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I think I can, I think
I can
Many of my clients
have recently heard me talk about the benefits and limitations of willpower and self-control. The Marshmallow Test designed
by Dr. Walker Mischel at Stanford University in the 1960s first sparked my interest in this issue. (Any test involving sugar
gets my attention.) For the study, Mischel gave 500 4-year-olds the option of eating one marshmallow now or two marshmallows
in 15 minutes. Years later, he caught up with these same children as teenagers and adults. The children who had been willing
to wait 15 minutes for two marshmallows as pre-schoolers, actually scored higher on the SATs as teens, and in adulthood had
lower body mass indicies, less drug abuse, and fewer divorces. Are you contemplating which group you would have been in?
Pamela Druckerman in the February 4, 2012, Wall Street Journal Saturday Essay, Why French Parents are Superior, shared that
French parents actually teach self-control to their babies. French moms do not rush into their newborns room the second that
their baby cries, instead they allow him/her to learn to fall back asleep independently. Rather than snacking all day like
American children, French children eat three meals a day (not special kid foods) and only one afternoon snack each day at
4:00. Most astonishing to me is that Druckerman reports actually witnessing a three-year-old French girl help her mom make
cupcakes and not lick her fingers once! Talk about un-American!
So how do those of us who did not grow up with French parents strengthen our self-control? Self-control acts like a muscle
- the more we use it, the stronger it gets. The Monitor on Psychology reported that the average person spends three to four
hours a day resisting desires (i.e. Where are my chocolate chips?!). We use self-control in other areas of our lives as well:
controlling thoughts and emotions, making decisions, and pushing ourselves to do one more task before we go to bed. Unfortunately,
self-control is definitely a limited resource; that is why by the end of the day, we are likely to relax our standards and
say, whatever!!
We all have areas of our lives that we would like to have more control over. My suggestion is to prioritize and focus and
one area at a time, leaving less to chance and more to careful thought and planning. Be well.
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 Delayed Gratificaton
A universal truth of college: THERE IS ALWAYS SOMETHING GOING ON! You can easily find a reason to waste time and
procrastinate. There is always someone around to talk to, laugh with, jam with, party with, or just hang with. In high school,
it was likely difficult to get everyone together, now you find it is difficult to break away and actually do what you need
to do.
Read Sharis WellNotes (above) and you learn that self-control is a universal problem. For college students the struggles
include irregular sleep and eating habits, class and work demands, social and relationship stressors, and financial decisions.
Self-control is imperative and that is where the idea of delayed gratification comes into play. Perhaps the knowledge that
there is always something going on can quiet the destructive and distracting voices in your head. Determining a healthy schedule
for yourself at the beginning of the semester, and again at the beginning of each week and day, helps to mitigate your susceptibility
to instant gratification decisions that can derail you. If you set a schedule before each day gets underway, you will be less
tempted in the heat of the moment to consider fruitless or costly alternatives. There truly is time for everything and successful
students recognize that in order to reap future rewards, they will have to exhibit the self-control necessary to, at times,
choose work over another party or sleep over an impromptu chill session. Be well.
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 A Client's
Wellness Journey
Hey there, Wellnews-readers! Im baaaaack! Its been a long time since I last blogged for My Search for Balance so
before I tell you whats coming up next, let me catch you up
When last I wrote, I believe I was studying for the February session of the Texas Bar Exam. I had come on my three-month-iversary
with Shari and related to you how well I was doing in the goal-achievement arena. I told you that I was exercising regularly,
sleeping well, eating healthier, maintaining boundaries with my family, and focusing on studying for and passing the Bar...
Well, folks, I didnt pass that Bar Exam. I missed it by 9 points, in fact. And to be perfectly frank, it was a crushing blow.
But if there is one thing I am, its scrappy. And with Sharis help, I prepared myself to take the exam again in July. Id love
to gloss over this next part, make myself look fabulous, but that would be inauthentic. The truth is that I really struggled
with focusing on my studies that summer. Really, really struggled. And about five weeks before the Bar, Shari called me on
it. She said the things that no one else was willing to say to me. And while Shari said many important things to me on that
day, the one that hit home and changed everything was this: Shari told me that I was being selfish. No one in my entire life
has ever called me selfish. But she was right. So many people were expending time and energy and money supporting me in my
endeavors and for me to do anything other than give 100% of myself to the Bar Exam every single day was pure selfishness.
I broke down and cried, and in her unique warm way Shari reassured me that everything was going to be okay, as long as I was
willing to change. So we devised a rigid but realistic study plan, and I stuck to it every single day. And you know what?
On November 3rd, I found out that I had passed the Texas Bar Exam. And even though the process was exhausting and often-demoralizing,
Ive never been prouder of myself than I was on that day. But I know one thing for sure I could not have done it without Shari
Fish.
So whats next? A lot, actually. I want to get back to my original goal: balance. Last year ended up being almost entirely
about the dreaded Bar Exam. Now that thats behind me once and for all, I am free to focus on my actual life. Admittedly, in
comparison to most people on the planet, I have a good life. I have a loving family, a network of wonderful friends, an excellent
education, a job, and a great apartment in a very cool neighborhood. But here is what I dont have and what I want more than
anything: (1) a healthy body in which I feel comfortable, proud, at-home and beautiful; (2) a career that has meaning and
purpose well beyond financial profits but still allows me to pay all of my bills; and (3) to master the concept of mindfulness.
Thats it. Those are my three goals for this year. I believe that by focusing on those three things I will reach my end goal
of balanceand genuine all-encompassing happiness.
You were all there for me last year. You read about my progress and Id like to believe you cheered me on. Id love it if youd
come along for the ride this year, too. I can use all the support I can get, hard though it is for me to ask for help. Hopefully,
along the way, Ill inspire some of you to step out of your comfort zones and pursue your hidden hopes, too. And if you need
a helping hand in reaching your goals, you wont find a better coach, motivator or friend than Shari Fish.
*Disclaimer: As a final note, I want to make it perfectly clear that Shari has never (and would never) ask for any sort of
endorsement from me. I voluntarily say great things about Shari and the service she provides simply because she has played
an integral part in my successes over the past fifteen months or so. But as loyal readers of her Newsletter, you probably
already knew that. :)
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 Slow-Roasted
Cherry Tomato Bruschetta(adapted from a EatingWell.com recipe)
The bruschetta
pictured in the photo was made by our daughter, Stephanie, when she was home for the holidays. It was most definitely as good
as it looks!
Ingredients:
3 pints of cherry tomatoes
1 tablespoon extra virgin olive oil
3 5 cloves of garlic
½ tsp salt
½ tsp of ground black pepper
¼ cup fresh basil
1 tablespoon red wine vinegar
14 slices whole grain baguette
Kalamata olives
Balsamic Vinegar
Preparation:
Preheat oven to 325 degrees
Toss tomatoes with oil garlic, salt and pepper
Place on a baking sheet and roast until broken down, 45-55 minutes
Combine the roasted tomatoes with basil and red wine vinegar.
Top baguette slices with the roasted tomato mixture
Garnish with olives, a drop of Balsamic vinegar, and/or a bit of freshly grated parmesan cheese
Nutritional Info. (per serving)
Calories 69
Dietary Fiber 3g
Total Fat 1g
Carbs 13g
Protein 3g
No Saturated Fat or Cholesterol
Instructions:
- Bring chicken broth and one cup of water to boil.
- Reduce heat to medium-low and add scallions and bok choy.
- Simmer for about 3 minutes or when bok choy and scallions look soft (but not too soft).
- Add mushrooms, garlic and shrimp.
- When shrimp are firm and pink, add chicken meat and stir.
- Add salt and pepper to taste.
- Then add noodles uncooked.
- Allow noodles to cook, about 3 minutes.
- Serve hot and enjoy!
Nutritional Info. (per serving)
Calories 69
Dietary Fiber 3g
Total Fat 1g
Carbs 13g
Protein 3g
No Saturated Fat or Cholesterol
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Nearly 34% of college freshman drop out during their first year
and almost half fail to graduate. Its time to prepare your student for this enormous life transition! Fiteens
2012 Pre-College Workshops
Available in Austin, Dallas, Houston,
and San Antonio
www.sharifishwellness.com/fiteens
Seminars and workshops
are personalized for each group and are priced accordingly. Contact Shari (Shari@ShariFishWellness.com)
for more information and to arrange a workshop for your student and/or group.
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Shari L.
Fish, M.Ed,
Certified Wellness Coach
Shari Fish began her career in the corporate world in 1985 after graduating with a degree in accounting from the University
of Texas at Austin and earning her CPA in 1987. After working for Arthur Andersen, Silicon Systems, Inc. and independently
as a CPA, she put her career on hold to raise her three children.
Shari returned to graduate school and earned her Masters in Educational Psychology/ Counseling at the University of Houston.
She chose a unique course of study, spending a full semester independently studying the relationship between exercise and
the brain.
After earning her Masters degree, Shari began to utilize her understanding of the mind/body connection to help individuals
create fuller, healthier lives. She completed her practicum at the nationally renowned KIPP Academy middle and high schools,
where she counseled students and facilitated a variety of self-esteem, anger management and life-skills groups. The following
year, she joined Wellspring Community Programs as a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy facilitator, where she successfully led high
school students through an educational and motivational weight loss program.
Shari completed her Wellness Coach training and certification through
Wellcoaches Corporation and participated in the distinguished Harvard Medical School and Mc Lean Hospitals Coaching in Medicine
and Leadership Conference and the International Coaching Federation Conference. She is a member of the American Psychological
Association, the International Positive Psychology Association, and the Houston Wellness Association.
Taking a page from her own consulting practice, Shari balances her work life with being a wife of 25 years and a mother of
three college-age children. Shari brings to her practice a first-hand understanding of the challenges faced when attempting
to create and maintain balance through lifes many transitions. Based on the principles of Positive Psychology, Shari helps
clients to clarify their values and motivators, and to celebrate their personal strengths and past successes. It is from this
perspective, that clients are able to achieve the lasting change that they desire and to create a more balanced and fulfilling
life. It is Sharis desire that each of her clients experience increased life satisfaction, self-efficacy, and truly become
his/her best self.
Shari is available for private consultation, speaking engagements, and workshops.
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Shari's
WellNotes: 
