Shari's WellNotes: Self-Kindness College!: The Great Adventure! Shari Recommends: Fresh Berry Crisp Teen Talk: Boredom Busters About Shari: A Look Inside   July 2011 Published every month You are on our list because you signed up for one of our programs. To change your subscription, wee link at end of email. Self-kindness The July/August issue of Monitor on Psychology features an article that mirrors countless conversations that I have had with myself and my clients and friends. While we were all taught to treat others as we want to be treated, (a.k.a., The Golden Rule), Kirsten Weirs article Golden Rule Redux, explains that in fact we need to treat ourselves just as kindly we want others to treat us. We are all so hard on ourselves! Day after day, we beat ourselves up over any action or outcome that we perceive as inadequate or imperfect. How could I have let myself ? Why didnt I...? I shouldve/couldve... The things that we commonly say to ourselves, we would NEVER utter to a friend or acquaintance and yet we show so little compassion to the one person that we spend the most time with and know the best ourselves! We barrage ourselves with negative self-talk: How could I have forgotten that meeting? I forget everything! I always mess things up! I was right there, how could I let that happen?! We do not expect others to be perfect so why do we expect that from ourselves? Isnt imperfection part of the human experience? Kristen Neff, PhD, author of Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind, and a professor of human development and culture at UT Austin, has extensively studied self-kindness. Per Steven Safigan in his article, Self-Kindness: A Healthier Alternative to Self-Esteem?, Neff breaks self-kindness down into three main components: Self-compassion treating yourself with kindness and tolerance and loving yourself when faced with failure, disappointment, and pain Common humanity recognizing that your failures, pain, and feelings of inadequacy are normal, universal, and part of the human condition. No one is exempt from these experiences Emotional Regulation the ability to recognize and accept your perceived failures or disappointments without becoming fixated on them or allowing these elements to define your life. Safigan shares that Neffs research has identified these ten psychological benefits of the practice of self-compassion: Feelings of happiness, optimism and curiosity Decreased anxiety, depression, and rumination Fewer feelings of failure and inferiority More resilient feelings of self-worth over time Less self-criticism and perfectionism Stronger buffers against negative social comparison and public self-consciousness Social connectedness Less anger and close-mindedness Emotional intelligence and wisdom Greater initiative and mastery of goals With such an expansive list of psychological benefits of self-compassion, it is certainly worth the effort to change our self-talk. So, the next time you begin to berate yourself, ask yourself if you would say those things to your best friend if he/she were sharing the same experience or thought with you. Would you kick them down even further or try to bolster them up with loving kindness and genuine compassion? You would most likely say, I have done that as well, or I understand your feelings but that does not make you a bad person/mom/friend/parent. Be kind to yourself. Be well. The Great Adventure! Many of  you will leave for college for the first time within the month. Wow! You are probably filled with joy, excitement, trepidation, anxiety, or most likely, all of the above.  You are not alone.  All of these emotions are normal signs of a significant life transition; normal signs that you are about to expand your horizons and step outside your comfort zone.  Change takes guts; change takes persistence;  and change takes patience.  But change allows for great rewards: growth, progress, and self-fulfillment! Chances are, you will not feel completely at home as soon as you arrive on campus.  You will probably get lost on your way to class, forget what time dinner is served, or misplace your keycard, and feel an occasional random moment of panic or frustration. Don't worry...this is normal, too! Approach your first few weeks on campus as the new adventure that it is.  As with any adventure, there will be obstacles and disappointments. But, these obstacles give way to countless treasures and rewards that are yours for the rest of your life! There are your best friends that you have yet to meet, professors who will  inspire and encourage you, and new engaging interests and hobbies awaiting your attention.  And, of course, you have independence! As a current college student recently shared with me, I had no idea how much my future was in my own hands until I went to college.  College is not a time to conform to anyones standard but your own.  It is a time to discover, explore and become the unique person that you are. Dr Ron Wolfson writes in The Seven Questions Youre Asked in Heaven, What are you uniquely able to be, to do, to contribute, to fix? How can you use your unique talents and passions to make a difference, to matter? In perfecting the world, you are perfecting yourself Be an original. Not an imposter Dont try to be someone you are not. Those of you who attended Shari Fish Wellness Pre-College Workshops, dont forget to take a little time and re-read your materials. Be sure to check out www.sharifishwellness/fiteens for a suggested packing list and other relevant information and feel free to contact me at Shari@Sharifishwellness.com or 713-899-6159 from home or campus. Be well. Fresh Berry Crisp! (Courtesy of Prevention's Quick and Easy Low-Fat Cooking) Prep Time: 10 minutes Cook Time: 30 minutes ½ cup rolled oats ½ cup whole-wheat pastry flour ½ teaspoon ground cinnamon ¼ cup maple syrup 3 cups mixed fresh berries 2 tablespoons lemon juice In a large no-stick frying pan over medium heat, toast the oats by stirring until lightly browned and fragrant, about 5 minutes. Transfer to a medium bowl. Add the flour and cinnamon; toss to combine. Drizzle with the maple syrup and stir with a fork until crumbly. Coat a 9 pie plate with no-stick spray. Add the berries and lemon juice. Toss to combine. Sprinkle with the crumb mixture. Cover with foil. Bake at 400 degree for 20 minutes, or until the berries are bubbly. Remove the foil and bake for about 5 minutes more, or until the topping is lightly browned. 143 calories 0.9 g fat 5.4g fiber 4 g sodium Boredom Busters! As students, you spend countless hours throughout the school year focused and consumed by obligations, commitments and responsibilities: I have a test Wednesday, a paper due Thursday, practice each afternoon and work on Saturday. Sound familiar? As the summer approaches its halfway point, now is the perfect time to truly appreciate this time of year. Longer days and less scheduled time may leave you bored and lazy by the middle of July but a little boredom is actually good for you! Use this extra time to your advantage. It is a time to explore new things, practice a hobby, pursue a dream, or discover new interests and talents. I have compiled a list of some possible boredom busters. I challenge you to make your own list and get the most out of your remaining summer days! Make a YouTube video Read a book strictly for pleasure Make dinner for your family Bake with friends Invent new smoothie flavors Organize your photos Redecorate your room Ride your bike, walk, skateboard or rollerblade just before sunset Have a sleepover/movie marathon Make a music video Compose a song Shadow a person with a career that interests you Visit a museum Watch a scary movie in the dark at night Create a personal workout schedule and stick with it Look at college websites one per day Spend a day at the movie theater Learn an instrument or start a band Throw on a swim suit, crank the tunes and wash the car in the summer sunshine Have a Slip-n-Slide party Make sack lunches and deliver them to a homeless shelter House-sit, dog-sit, or baby-sit for a neighbor or friend Take a picnic to the park with friends Complete a large puzzle Turn on Pandora and discover some new tunes Game night everyone brings their favorite game Organize apps/files on your computer Clean your closets and donate the clothes you have outgrown or sell them at a thrift store Enjoy. Discover. HAVE FUN! Shari L. Fish, M.Ed, Certified Wellness Coach Shari Fish began her career in the corporate world in 1985 after graduating with a degree in accounting from the University of Texas at Austin and earning her CPA in 1987. After working for Arthur Andersen, Silicon Systems, Inc. and independently as a CPA, she put her career on hold to raise her three children. Shari returned to graduate school and earned her Masters in Educational Psychology/ Counseling at the University of Houston. She chose a unique course of study, spending a full semester independently studying the relationship between exercise and the brain. After earning her Masters degree, Shari began to utilize her understanding of the mind/body connection to help individuals create fuller, healthier lives. She completed her practicum at the nationally renowned KIPP Academy middle and high schools, where she counseled students and facilitated a variety of self-esteem, anger management and life-skills groups. The following year, she joined Wellspring Community Programs as a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy facilitator, where she successfully led high school students through an educational and motivational weight loss program. Shari completed her Wellness Coach training and certification through Wellcoaches Corporation and participated in the distinguished Harvard Medical School and Mc Lean Hospitals Coaching in Medicine and Leadership Conference and the International Coaching Federation Conference. She is a member of the American Psychological Association, the International Positive Psychology Association, and the Houston Wellness Association. Taking a page from her own consulting practice, Shari balances her work life with being a wife of 25 years and a mother of three college-age children. Shari brings to her practice a first-hand understanding of the challenges faced when attempting to create and maintain balance through lifes many transitions. Based on the principles of Positive Psychology, Shari helps clients to clarify their values and motivators, and to celebrate their personal strengths and past successes. It is from this perspective, that clients are able to achieve the lasting change that they desire and to create a more balanced and fulfilling life. It is Sharis desire that each of her clients experience increased life satisfaction, self-efficacy, and truly become his/her best self. Shari is available for private consultation, speaking engagements, and workshops.

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